Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Ask the Management Guru - I

Inaugurating a popular series "Ask the Management Guru",

Q. Recently, in a meeting, an MBA from a premier B-School said something that sounded like "a reference point for commonality of paradigm shifts in six sigma and core competency, and the five pees.". What does this mean? - (From "Confused", Mumbai)

A. Dear "Confused".
You are evidently not an MBA. Don't you know your five pees of management?
  • The first pee, at management trainee level, is the "I'm scared witless" pee
  • The second, at the assistant sales manager level, is the "I've been in the conference room for four hours and the a.c. is getting to me" pee.
  • The third, at profit-center head level, is the "I've had five beers at this business lunch and all five want to come out now" pee
  • The fourth, five years from retirement, is the "This diabetes is making me go to the loo every fifteen minutes" pee
  • And finally, for those who make it to the very top of the pole, the fifth pee is "Wow! That's my bonus?" pee.
Q. What is a paradigm? - (From "Jargonically Challenged", Patiala)
A. Dear "Jargonically Challenged".
No one knows for sure. Most of the gurus believe that the paradigm is a creature which looks like a horse but has a horn in the center of its forehead.

Q. But isn't that a unicorn?
A. What are you, a naive believer in fairy tales? Everyone knows the unicorn is mythical. Paradigms keep shifting and often solve problems in this fashion.

Q. Do you believe that the Ambani brothers were responsible for the recent stock market crash?(From "Stoke Mar Cate Ache Spurt", Rajkot)
A. Dear Stoke
No, that was God. The Ambani brothers were responsible for the stock market rise.

Please send in your questions pertaining to anything troubling you in the vast and wondrous world of management and economics. Our Guru will be happy to clarify the situation.

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